Mourning Holy Innocence

Feast of the Holy Innocents, Martyrs

Gospel of Matthew 2:13-18

When the magi had departed, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream and said, “Rise, take the child and his mother, flee to Egypt, and stay there until I tell you.

Herod is going to search for the child to destroy him.” Joseph rose and took the child and his mother by night and departed for Egypt.

He stayed there until the death of Herod,

that what the Lord had said through the prophet might be fulfilled, Out of Egypt I called my son.

My blog readers probably wonder, "Where did Jennifer go?"  I'm still around... just hiding myself in the reality of life.  A rough last few weeks is not for a weakling like myself who handles bad news as if a knife piercing flesh.  My heart feels like it's been shattered into thousands of little pieces.  Through Our Lord's mercy, those pieces will be sown back together as the mourning subsides....

My goal to write a meditation each day of Advent failed to materialize. I found words harder to put together as work woes hit me hard. Rumors about the company not doing well, people leaving, and a mysterious "Severance plan" legal notice sent to salaried employees worried me.  Moreover, the sudden loss of my pet didn't help lighten up the mood.  Things got even worse after I found out my Godmother passed away only a day after my sweet dog.  Good grief.....When it rains sadness it pours! I never expected two deaths the week of Christmas.  Needless to say, it has been a surreal Holiday season, but I know my faith will help me overcome grief.

We had fierce tornadoes hit the Dallas area.  My new apartment was spared; however, the other side of town where I used to live got hit.  The tornadoes touched down only a few miles from my old neighborhood.  I am curious if my old fence is still up or the roof damaged.  Thank God I moved to my new home when I did.

I had my dog's body cremated and her ashes placed in a lovely wooden box.  It sits on a table right next to a memorial I made in her honor.  After my dog was hit by the car, I cried for literally three days straight!  However, the small wooded box of ashes brought a wonderful sense of comfort and peace.  Something very unexpected yet welcomed.

My Godmother's funeral is today - on a cold, rainy and snowy day.  Family members posted on Facebook needing donations to help pay for the funeral.  Evidently, my Godmother's estate didn't have enough funds to pay for some "miscellaneous" funeral expenses.  This just breaks my heart even more knowing that such a wonderful and special woman as my great aunt died penniless without even enough money to dig her grave.  The last thing a mourning family needs to worry about is who will pay for a burial.  Thanks to my grandfather my Godmother's funeral expenses are covered.

During this time of sadness, I have received many condolences from friends and family.  It's good to know I am not alone in my grief.  So many others understand what it is like to lose a loved one, a pet, or even a child during the holidays.

Today's Feast of the Holy Innocents is a sad reminder of just how precious life truly is.  I think about abused and neglected children; children killed in the womb; children used in human trafficking; children born with cancer and birth defects.  Why does God allow horrible things to happen to such beautiful young ones?  One of those questions that remains unanswered....

I know mourning will turn into acceptance; sadness into joy.  My heart will return to its whole self as my grief moves on.  I know my guardian angel continues to watch over me.  My Godmother is with my dog, smiling from the heaven, forever in peace and tranquility.

-J.