Dear Lord, Please Answer My Prayers!

Thursday of the First Week of Lent

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Book of Esther C:12, 14-16, 23-25

Queen Esther 

Queen Esther, seized with mortal anguish,

had recourse to the LORD. She lay prostrate upon the ground, together with her handmaids, from morning until evening, and said:“God of Abraham, God of Isaac, and God of Jacob, blessed are you. Help me, who am alone and have no help but you, for I am taking my life in my hand. As a child I used to hear from the books of my forefathers that you, O LORD, always free those who are pleasing to you.Now help me, who am alone and have no one but you, O LORD, my God..."

I highly recommend reading the Book of Esther.  It's a beautiful story of courage in a turbulent time period with women treated as sexual objects and the Jewish people targeted for massacre.  Esther is a beautiful orphan chosen as Queen by the powerful King Ahasuerus. She hides her Jewish faith in order to protect herself, and her cousin Mordecai, from certain death. Esther is considered a heroine of the Jewish people.  I won't go into too much more of the story since it's such a great read!  

Queen Esther petitioned her requests to God, fasting and praying for an answer.  She felt all alone, struggling with her hidden Jewish identity.  Should she proclaim the truth to the King?  How so?  Will God help her?  She did not give up hope that her Jewish people would be saved!  

I think we've all at one time or another prayed to God to hear only dead silence.  We don't quite know what He wants us to do.  We look for signs and clues.  Sometimes they are so subtle and unnoticeable that they don't seem to amount to much.  Other times the silence forces us to wait patiently for an answer.  God is not in a hurry to save the day, and he doesn't necessarily give us what we want.  It's always what we need and at the appropriate time.

I remember in high school I wanted to become a member of the drill team!  I signed up for the Pep Squad my sophomore year.  We had to wear these horrendous blue uniforms to all of the football games. (The "real" drill team wore cute outfits.) I remember one jealous girl calling me "Smurfette" as she sneered and laughed at me.  During that semester, I worked so hard to perfect my high kicks and splits.  At night I often prayed:  "Dear Jesus, please answer my prayers and allow me to make the RLT Drill Team.  I so want to wear the sparkly uniform and white boots!"  

Unfortunately, I didn't make the team.  It was a huge blow to my self-worth.  I was absolutely devastated and angry to boot.  I wasted nearly a year preparing for something totally worthless.  One thing good out of this disappointment was a complete reversal of course.  Because I didn't make the drill team, with first period practice, I was able to take an Advanced Business Computer course which helped me land temporary positions throughout summers of college.  So, in effect Jesus answered my prayers in a totally different way.  He thought it best I become educated instead of popular. No tarting around in a skimpy little uniform but busy learning software!  I could always take dance lessons later but for now learning computers was the plan.

Now that I reflect on the incident years ago, God planted so many "signs" that the drill team wasn't right for me.  I missed mock trials because of my Close-Up trip to Washington D.C.  I probably could have "fixed" some techniques if I'd gone to trials, but I thought the D.C. trip was totally worth it!  Then, toward the end of the semester the Drill team instructor resigned.  I absolutely loved her, so sad to see her go.  Later the new instructor hired turned out to be terrible.  The drill team never looked good afterwards.  Plus, the other girls on the team were snooty and witchy.  One of my best friends made the team that year, and later she told me it was a terrible experience for her.  She said everybody gave her the cold shoulder except for maybe two or three girls.  The cattiness and jealousy was too much for her.

I can't stress enough:  Pray for what you need and what will help you.  Try not to pray for what you want, especially if you know deep inside it may not be good.  It's important to discern what the Lord thinks is best for you and leave it up to Him to provide it for you.

What's so interesting is every time I even THINK about stopping this blog and going on to something else I'm tugged back into my writing ministry.  Lately, I've received quite a number of emails from people how much they enjoy it.  THANK-YOU!  It makes me feel good to be a source of inspiration for others.  I keep each one of my readers in my daily prayers!

St. Lucy, Pray for Us!!

-J.