Hiatus

Fifth Sunday in Ordinary Time

Can you relate to Job?  Are you depressed at how your life is turning out?  Whenever I read the Book of Job, my heart aches.  I can't understand how God can inflict so much misery on one man.  Sadly, I can relate in some ways.  Fortunately I still have my job, my home, my family and my faith.  I'm not penniless and on the streets.  Yet, I'm still extremely lonely.  I feel struck and dead end.  Depression has taken a bite into my physical and emotional being.  A year ago I'd say I was doing pretty well, but now I'm in an endless situation like Job, trying to pull myself out of despair and negativity.

Jealously, envy, and resentment has permeated my heart so much that I've stopped certain things that I like to do; mainly because I feel like I don't measure up.  I admit I'm not the best writer on the block.  My grammar and spelling can be very bad at times, but I try to communicate the best I can.  I may not be a young and "perfect" teen or college student who everyone has "promising" hopes for.  I may not be a cradle Catholic.  I may not be a wealthy donor who makes the pages of our Diocese newspaper every other week.  I'm just Jennifer - a middle aged woman who loves the Lord and wants to serve him; yet, she feels like an outcast because she's older, a convert, and never married.  

I've turned to blogging as an outlet to share my point of view.  I thank everyone who follows me regularly or just happens to stumble upon a post.  However, I'm not so sure my writing is helping others.  Stats suggest that very few visit my site.

As of today, this blog is on hiatus until further notice.  Just like poor Job, hopelessness has worn me down to the core.  Do I keep pushing forward or give up?  Right now I'm at point of caving in and deleting this blog forever.

I pray to God for a sign of what I should do.  At this point, I'm at a lost.....

-J.