Misgivings and Misunderstandings

As part of my Lenten journey, I've been reflecting a lot on how I've treated people over the past year.  It hasn't always been in the most loving way.  I find that so many times I think, say and even write things I later regret. Then, I have to deal with the consequences.  Very few people push me away forever, especially those who know me very well and understand how I think, but a few do move on.  I've seriously offended them and they just can no longer deal with it.  Friendliness is replaced by cold and silence.  I've burned bridges.

I've prayed to the Lord: "Can you please change my personality so I'm not so prone to misgivings and misunderstandings?  Tame my tongue so I'm not so brutally honest.  Can you help me move away from egotism so I'm not so quick to bark at someone who I misconstrue as a threat to my livelihood? I want to become a positive and more compassionate woman yet I'm naturally drawn into myself and my own troubles.  I forget how my actions affect others."

I find sometimes frequent misunderstandings with a particular person may be a sign to break ties and move on.  We all meet people who serve a purpose in our lives but only for a limited amount of time.  We like them and appreciate them.  They helped us out in an important capacity. However, tensions and misunderstandings form which leave us bitter and confused.  We know in our hearts we much detach and let go.  Maybe the person is a lover, a spouse, a spiritual healer, or even a best friend.  

Letting go and moving on can be incredibly stressful and emotionally gut wrenching.  It's like going through withdrawal symptoms.  Sometimes relationships can become just as addictive as a substance like alcohol and drugs.  We take the leap of courage, telling the person we simply have to cut communication with them just to only go back to him/her, pleading for forgiveness.  We look foolish in the process.  The person may take us back or may decide we are too "difficult" to deal with.  If we had only stuck with our decision and didn't waver!  

For me personally, if I need to break communication with someone who has an emotional and/or physical hold on me the most effective strategy is to let go in silence.  Don't tell him how much my feelings are hurt or what's wrong with him.  Certainly don't lose my cool.  Just quietly and peacefully walk away and disappear for good.  No drama necessary. Quietly go through the mourning period understanding that God and our Holy Mother is there for reassurance.

As I grow older, I've realized how much we as humans think so radically differently.  As a result of these differences, we don't all get along or even understand one another.  The whole "he said/she said" scenerio is a perfect example.

During this Lent, try to forgive and forget.  Try to get past misgivings and misunderstandings.  Turn to Our Lord in prayer asking him for help.  

-J.