When busyness overwhelms both my personal and work life, prayer takes a seat in a back corner. I feel guilty when I don't spend quality time with the Lord...And then I obsess over the devout people I know who always make the time for fruitful prayer. They are joyful and fun. They are never morose or down on themselves. They have this inner peace in their overall demeanor. I love to be around them and speak to them on a regular basis. Yet, in my own heart I feel like I can't measure up. Resentment builds. As a result, my rather pitiful prayers become dry and fruitless. It's as if the devil takes a hold of my natural inclination toward low self worth, setting up a minefield in my thick skull: "My gosh that young woman is fantastic. Everybody loves her and thinks she's so special and a prized treasure. She's always smiling and so full of life!" Then, the most AWFUL thought comes to mind: "Why should I ever pray for her? She's already saintly and so loved. My prayers won't make a bit of good! In fact, I secretly wish I had her beautiful life. She's such an admirable Catholic who can do no wrong!"
What is preferential prayer? This is when we pray for someone based on specific conditions and bias. If we like someone, and are close to them personally, then we will pray for them without any reservation. However, if we hate someone with a passion then we may pray for them out of Christian principle, but these prayers lack heartfelt sincerity.
I think the deadliest form of preferential prayer is when we refuse to pray for someone we envy or harbor resentment against. Automatically we think they are "goody two shoes" and snarl at the thought of their presence. Why pray for someone who is already loved and admired? Why pray for someone who is popular and can do no wrong? Why pray for someone who is already a natural Saint? Why pray for someone everybody else thinks is a God-send, flowering with natural humility?
Jesus NEVER, EVER wanted us to pray with conditions attached. When we pray, we must pray for everybody regardless of our own prejudices. Our prayers should be sincere and focused on the good of the other person. The Devil loves to make us think prayer is a worthless use of brain power! In fact, he will throw distractions in our path to prevent us from praying! We must fight this temptation. We must rid ourselves of envy and prejudice we harbor against someone else we may "think" is perfect but struggles just like the rest of us.
The woman who goes to Daily Mass, always smiling and so friendly may be suffering from loneliness....She needs prayers.
The young college student on the mission trip who makes straight A's, nominated as class president, and loved by everybody for her natural sweetness may be thinking about committing suicide....She needs prayers.
The drunk on the bus ride to work who sits by you every day who stinks to high heaven. Why won't he disappear? ...He needs prayers.
The co-worker who got offered the position you applied for is going through a financial crisis.....He needs prayers.
The parish priest who is so popular and loved by everybody for his charisma and natural sense of empathy may be struggling with his vocation.....He needs prayers.
"I will pray for you only if..." should never cross our minds as faithful Christians. Yes, at times we struggle with our prayer life. Maybe we cannot form the right words. Maybe we experience difficulty concentrating while praying the rosary. Maybe we are flat out angry and don't give a flip about prayer! This is when we should turn to God at our moment of weakness. Drop everything that we are doing and get down on our knees. Block out the negative thoughts and ask our Lord for guidance. Think one good thought about somebody: a friend, a person you envy, or an enemy. Lift that praise up to Christ!
When times are tough and it feels like my prayer life is scorching out in the hot desert, I need to make a strong effort to get out of my own self! Think of others. Pray for others regardless of what I may think about them. What I think isn't necessarily the truth. What I think may be far from the truth. What I think is nonsense compared to what the Lord thinks. The Lord thinks all of his created beings are beautiful and worthy of love! Our own sinful nature corrupts that belief. We can change our prayer patterns at any instant. It just takes resolve and determination. Our Lord is there to guide, as always.
Stay away from preferential prayer and move towards heartfelt, sincere and fruitful prayer! It can be done. We just have to take the time out of the busyness of our lives, erase the envy and resentment, and PRAY!
-J.
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