Nature Takes Its Toll

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

The Serenity Prayer is something I keep in mind when life gets really rough.  I've experienced some of the most stressful and life growing challenges in the last  two years!   I don't know what is going to happen next.  Seems like nature is taking its toll on my life and life circumstances.  I don't feel what has happened to me is coincidental or bad luck.  I think Our Lord has brought about difficulties in order to allow me develop the maturity to deal with crisis.  It's still difficult for me to not become anxious and worried when life poop is thrown in my face.....

Ever since I moved into my home two years ago, I've had to replace my entire HVAC system, replace electrically burned light fixtures, replace broken garage door springs, and cut down a diseased tree!  This morning I woke up to discover a huge broken Bradford pear limb lying on my lawn.  The rainstorm from last night split a quarter of it.  The tree is old (18 yrs old) and is being treated for Fire Blight.  Now it looks like it may split again, tumbling onto the paved street and possibly causing damage to a car driving by.  Now I'm at a loss:  Do I cable and prune the tree or cut it down for safety purposes?  I was floored having to pay $350 for emergency tree service.  (Fortunately this fee was negotiated.)  I'm sad to think of cutting down this beautiful tree that supplies so much shade.  The kicker is cutting it down requires more money I don't have.  Credit card debt looms as I struggle to pay off the unexpected A/C work on  the Honda as well as cutting down the backyard tree.  I keep praying to God asking, "Dear Lord, can you please help me out here and allow me to pay off debt before anything else major goes out?  I can't stand it!  Why me?  Why all the stuff happening continuously? " 

The stress of home ownership is wearing me down.  I love my cute little home but maintaining it doesn't come cheap.  I sometimes think buying a home was the biggest mistake of my life.  Of course, a second income would help tremendously.  Not something to happen anytime soon. 

When life is challenging like this, it's difficult for me to turn to God in prayer.  I know my issues are hardly nothing compared to the circumstances of others.  So in a way I believe I'm  selfish.  I need to be content with where my life stands right now.  Try to manage my money as wisely as possibly.  I'm quite impatient and want things fixed right away.  

Even though I cannot change when something happens like a storm damaging a tree, I can change the way I react to the situation.  I admit I have the tendency to project my frustration on others, especially those who love me.  This is a terrible character flaw.  This is something I should be wise enough to recognize and change.  God gave me an intellect.  He gave me intelligence to realize that when nature takes its toll I can change the way I relate to the burdens even though I cannot change what happens unexpectantly.

-J.

False Bread of Life

Jesus said to them, "I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me will never hunger, and whoever believes me will never thirst." - John 6:35

As a Catholic Christian, I have the opportunity to take Holy Communion every day of the week.  Jesus gave us the spiritual food necessary to grow in holiness.  This "bread of life" is something many take for granted.  They begin to transfer the spiritual "bread of life" to the material. In the Sunday homily, our Bishop mentioned something that intriqued me.  It's the  idea of "false bread."  These are people, possessions, and pleasures that we believe are life-giving.  They are supposed to give us happiness, fulfillment, self-esteem, power, and wealth.  These "false" loaves of bread do not give us the spiritual nourishment we truly need.  Oftentimes, we pull us away from Christ.  We begin to starve ourselves, becoming anemic and crippled with sin.  At other times, we are given the false hope that the latest and greatest craze will make us younger, sexier, thinner, and richer.  In the long run, after the craze fades away, we see nothing has changed. 

When we fail to recognize Jesus Christ as the "bread of life" and truly believe in his presence, we lose the benefit of his unconditional love, grace, and mercy.  I feel a great deal of comfort knowing that when I receive communion Jesus becomes "one" with me!  He's fills up my heart with grace.  Then,  with his gentle hand I'm pushed forward to be Christ-like presence to others.  How can I be Christ-like if I'm already spiritually full from the "false" bread of life? 

My goal this week is to receive Holy Communion every day and reflect on how I can be strengthened by the Eucharist, the authentic "bread of life" given to us by Christ himself.

-J.

Thirsting for God

Oh God, you are my God, for you I long; for you my soul is thirsting.  My body pines for you like a dry, weary land without water.  So I gaze on you in the sanctuary to see your strength and your glory.
-Psalm 63: 2-9

These  verses from the Divine Office Morning Prayer (Psalter Week I) are very powerful and speak to my inner soul.  A soul at times filled with worry, doubt, and insecurity.  A tender soul who desires to be a good Christian: A giver not a taker, a lover not a hater.  I struggle with that sense of purpose and meaning in my life.  My soul thirsts for something much richer and deeper than the temporal things life.  I go to my job every day.  I maintain my home.  I go to Mass and Confession regularly.  I pray and say my rosary.  However, my soul seems to thirst for something much deeper and more profound.  I feel like my body is in a desert amidst a secular culture so wrapped up in material possessions, sexual pervasiveness, wealth, and power.  All of these material possessions are like alcohol for my soul.  They are intoxicating and tempting.  However, drinking such alcohol keeps me in a state of de-hydration.  The pure water of the soul, that water straight from the Lord's cistern, rehydrates and refreshes.

I look at the things I possess in my life.  I think of how many things I really don't need that are stock piled in my attic and closets.  What can I give up to charity?  What can I sell and put the proceeds into a savings account?  What subscriptions can I give up to cut down on costs?  How can I simplify my life?  I feel like so many of the "things" I own and don't use are a waste in the desert.  They are not life producing or fruitful.  They are just around gathering dust. 

This summer as I reflect on ways to re-hydrate my soul and focus on the strength and glory of God, I want to explore ways to live more frugally adopting a poverty of spirit that is quite counter-cultural to society today.  This will be a challenge especially with so many temptations to buy, buy, buy.  But, all I really need are the basics.  I discovered years ago I cannot hang out with the wealthy or pretend I'm "bigger" than I actually am.  It just makes me over-spend and then look like a "fake."  Yes, some people are blessed with wealth.  I happen to not be one of those types.  This is where I need to turn to God and thank him for the blessings He's given me.  Take what I have and cherish them.  Don't live excessively but simply. 

I do not want my soul to continue to thirst for the Lord.  I desire my soul to bathe from the waterfall of the Holy Spirit. 

-J.

An Antidote to Addiction

I recently read a profound article in the Catholic Herald UK titled Pope Benedict knows that this is the age of addiction   At the end of the article, the author states that the Gospel is an "antidote to addiction."  I totally agree!  What a powerful burden addiction has on society today. 

I think about all of the families torn apart by addiction to painkillers, hard core drugs, alcohol,sex and even food.  (Sugar has similar effects to cocaine.  Scary!)  How many mothers have abandoned their children because of meth amphetamine addiction?  How many wives have been abused by their drunk husbands?  How many kids have flunked out of school because they are partyin' hard, getting high off of marijuana, crystal meth, ecstasy, and other pills?  How many people have been thrown into jail for dealing heroin? How many women have prostituted themselves for drugs? How many people have died from a drug overdose?  Thousands and thousands of people! Addicts are growing by leaps and bounds.  Frightening!

In such a negative, depressive and lonely society, people often turn to drugs as an escape.  They may even want to fit into the crowd.  Drugs are stronger and more powerful than ever before.  Drugs are cheaper and easily available.  Technological advances, such as the Internet, makes access to the poison of choice convenient.  Television shows like Intervention and Dog the Bounty Hunter often highlight the deleterious effects of drugs on the lives of addicts and their families, but people do not always get cleaned up. It doesn't help that drug advertisements on television have added to an increase in prescription pill usage. (I don't have stats on this.  Just a hunch..)

Even in biblical times people faced addictions but nothing like what we see today.  I'm sure Jesus when he was alive cured many people from addictions.  He can do the same thing today:  It just takes faith, love, and hope.  It takes a willingness to fight the demons of addiction and to be made whole again.  The antidote to addiction is handing over oneself completely to Our Lord!  Through prayer and a commitment to recovery, addiction can be overcome.  Love and support from family is the key.  I suspect many people who do have an addiction of some kind feel alone and vulnerable.  They lack the self-worth to get cleaned up.  As a Christian community, especially as Catholics, we have a social and moral obligation to help those who are struggling with addictions.  I hate the idea of allowing these suffering people to hurt themselves and their families.  Each one of them are children of God and created in God's image. 

Addictions are a miserable reality of our society.  Each one of us knows of at least one person struggling with an addiction.  It's up to us to reach out and try to help in anyway possible.  We should turn to Jesus Christ and his Blessed Mother in fervent prayer.

Drug addiction is the Devil's delusion of grandeur! It's time to fight with Divine assistance!

-J.

The Holy Trinity - One God in Three Persons

Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.  And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age.    -Matthew 28:19-20

Today is the Feast of the Most Holy Trinity.  What exactly does Holy Trinity mean?  This is one of the mysteries of the Christian faith that's not easy to define.  The bible only mentions the words "in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."  There's no true explanation.  Christians believe the Holy Trinity is represented by one god in three persons.  (Not three separate Gods!) Interesting I've heard three different real-life examples of what the holy trinity is all about.  Each one of these helped me understand the concept of the Trinity much more clearly.  I'd like to share them on my blog.  I will list them as educational subjects.....

Psychology & Home Economics 

A woman gets married then she has a child.  Her child has a baby.  This woman now goes by three titles (or personhoods): She's  a wife, a mother, and a grandmother.  (She's the same woman and has not turned schizo changing into three different personalities!)  The same concept can be related to a man.  Once he gets married and has children, he will become a husband, a father, and a grandfather. 

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Astronomy & Physics

The sun shines high in the sky and its rays shoot down to the earth warming the atmosphere.  The sun is representative of the Father sending rays of light towards the earth with an abundance of love.  The rays themselves can be viewed as the Son (Jesus Christ)
who lived and walked on the earth, dying for our redemption.  The heat generated from the sun and its rays is the Holy Spirit.  The sun, the rays, and the warmth all come from a single planetary source.



   Mathematics & Geometry 

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The equilaterial triangle has three congruent angles of equal 60 degree angles.  Each angle is the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.  If all three angles were not connected, the one geometric figure wouldn't be a triangle as we know of it.  One God in three persons when viewed as a triangle with three connecting angles makes sense.


I'm sure there are a ton of other creative ways to better understand the Trinity.  It's one of those mysteries of faith that's always challenging yet so important to Christianity!

-J.

Mary the Mediatrix

And Mary said: "My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord; my spirit rejoices in God my savior."

-Luke 1:46-47

Mary said, "Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord.  May it be done to me according to your word."

-Luke 1:38

As the month of May comes to a close, I reflect on the role of the Blessed Virgin Mary in my life.  May is considered a special month of Devotion to Mary, the Mother of God.  I decided to create a special little "Mary's Prayer Garden" on my patio.  I placed a small outdoor statue and filled the area with pink Rose Moss, Pentas, Autumn Sage, and Oregano.  It's fairly simple and nothing very expensive to put together.  I really enjoy looking at it everytime I go outside.  The tiny little Rose Moss flowers close at night and open again during the day's sunshine.  Right above my Mary statue is my gorgeous Crape Myrtle tree.  It's loaded with large blooming pink blossoms.  All of my plants are doing exceptionally well with the plentiful rains we've enjoyed this Spring.

I came across the term "Mary the Mediatrix" as I've been reading through St. Louis de Montfort's writings including True Devotion.  I thought this was an interesting term and such a powerful  description for Mary's role as intercessor or "mediator" between Jesus and myself.  I know many Protestants do not understand why Catholics are so hung-up about Mary.  Many think we idol worship Mary and the Saints!  Absolutely not!  We just pray to ask them for their help and intercession.  Then they send up our prayers to the Lord! 

I try to pray my rosary daily.  The days I do set aside 15 minutes to go through the mysteries I feel at peace.  I notice a huge difference on days when I neglect my rosary:  Much more tension, stress and irritability.  Mary and her rosary provides me the graces to get through the day knowing that she and our Lord are right there by my side.  The rosary keeps me mindful of the greatness of the Lord.  Following Mary's example I can learn to accept what is done to me according to your [God's] word.

-J.

The Pursuit of Happiness: Joy in Christ

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
-Declaration of Independence

The Kingdom of God is not a matter of food and drink, but of righteousness, peace & joy in the holy Spirit; whoever serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by others.  Let us then pursue what leads to peace and to building up one another.
-Romans 14:17-19

On this Memorial Day, I reflect on the thousands of men and women who served our country in the military forces.  Each and every one is commended for their heroism, their dedication, and their love for our country.  They struggled on the frontlines against the enemy.  They worked long hours in sometimes unhospitable conditions.  These brave men and women fought for our country in order to protect freedom: Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness. 

What is this pursuit of Happiness that our Forefathers speak of in our Declaration of Independence?  It's the idea of living in a free society absent of persecution and oppression.  Our Forefathers were brilliant in understanding the role of God, Creator, in providing us with precious unalienable rights that should never be used to turn one against another.  As St. Paul said in Romans: Let us then pursue what leads to peace and to building up one another.  Our soldiers on the front line understood the importance of peace, and they understood importance of working as a team in building up one another in strength and fortitude.

I see the pursuit of Happiness as becoming more secularized in American culture today.  Happiness is seen as a measure of materialistic wealth and over-consumption.  So many Americans falsely believe that a high paying job, an expensive car, nice clothes, and other displays of the uber wealth is happiness.  I know some of the poorest people who are genuinely happy.  Why are they happy?  Because they place God first in their lives!  They understand how the Holy Spirit can give and take "things" from us.  These people understand that pure joy in Christ aid in the pursuit of Happiness.  A stanza from a beautiful Morning Prayer Hymn sums it up:

Who takes the Lord becomes a spring of Joy for all the world in pain....

The world is definitely in pain right now with struggling economies, the breakdown of the family, war, oppression, poverty, environmental degradation, human rights violations, and a host of other evils.  This doesn't bring much joyful news or happiness.  However, praying to God, studying his Word, and seeking his consolations (and admonitions) in our everyday life can help us become happier with ourselves and others.  Wealth, materialism, and individualism aren't necessarily indicators of true happiness.  The Book of Sirach says differently:  Fear of the Lord warms the heart, giving gladness and joy and length of days. (Sir 1:10)

God Bless America, Land that I Love!

-J.

The Spirit of Truth

"I have much more to tell you, but you cannot bear it now.  But when he comes, the Spirit of truth, he will guide you to all truth..."  -John 16:12-13

Yesterday, I was outside working on the lawn when a young Jehovah's Witness couple and their son came up to the front door.  The woman smiled and asked me if she could give me a pamphlet about "the truth of the bible."  I took the tract from her and returned the smile, "Oh I'm a Catholic and I've studied the bible for over 4 years!"  She replied, "We work with all kinds of denominations.  I'm sure you understand the truth of the bible more than others do."  I asked her if she and her family lived in the neighborhood.  She beamed talking about how a new "church" was being built right near my home.  "Great!" I said even though I could tell she thought I was a little too much.  I obviously wasn't completely ignorant of the bible.  She probably  wanted to quickly leave and evangelize to another lost soul fully aware I'd defend the Catholic church's teaching on "the One Truth."  I politely told them "Thank-you."  The woman replied, "Don't work too hard today."  The shocking part was when I said "God Bless You!" and neither the husband or wife returned the salutation.  Normally when I've come across a Jehovah's Witness he or she is somewhat pushy and easily projects "God Bless you" in conversation.  The family was much more reserved.  I could tell they were uncomfortable. 

I browsed through the tract the couple gave me.  The front of it said:  "Would You Like to Know the Truth?..[List of questions such as What happens to us when we die?  Is there any hope for the dead?  How can I pray and be heard by God].....There is, however, one book that contains reliable answers.  It is a book of truth." 

I'd love to have discussed the Catholic's belief in the Trinity and the Holy Spirit with this fine family. However, Jehovah's Witnesses only believe in the "One God" and not in the "Father, Son and the Holy Spirit." I thought it was interesting on the Vigil Feast Day of Pentecost I was visited by a Christian Faith who doesn't believe in the Holy Spirit or its profound work in our lives.  I'm not very familiar with the JWs but from what I guessed they believe in a strict interpretation of the bible....and their own version that is different from standard Christian bibles. 

All week I have been contemplating exactly what "the Truth" is.  We know the truth of the Holy Spirit and the truth of Jesus Christ.  It's not until I spoke with this Jehovah's Witness family that I realized the moral relativism behind this so called TRUTH.  Each Protestant denomination, non-Christian, atheist, and even polarized Catholics seem to define "the Truth" differently depending on their own established belief system, culture, and media influence.  I get confused on what "the Truth" is really all about.

I see the "One Truth" so easily represented by the Holy Spirit.  Through the gift of the Holy Spirit we are called to spread the good news of the gospel and Christ:  A message of TRUTH that is loving, forgiving, glorifying, and faithful. As St. Paul reminds us in the Letter to the Galatians:

 ....the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, self control.  Against such things is no law.  Now those who belong to Christ jesus have crucified their flesh with its passions and desires.  If we live in the Spirit, let us also follow the Spirit.

Come Holy Spirit!  Help us Spread the Truth of Jesus Christ.  Amen!

-J.

Cyber Saints

I'm taking a "Media Faith & Values" online course through the University of Dayton Virtual Learning for Faith Formation program.  A fellow student posted an intriquing question she read on a Catholic blog:  What if St. Paul had a Twitter account? This made me think, "Hmmm.....How would prominent biblical figures and saints use electronic media today to evangelize (or demoralize) the Catholic Faith?  Here are a few ideas:

Our Lord Jesus Christ - YouTube
I can imagine Jesus recording his sermons, parables, and healing miracles over YouTube where all the faithful could watch "on demand."  Of course he'd make podcasts available over the iPhone/iPod/iTouch and other iGadgets for believers to listen to on-the-go.

The Blessed Virgin Mary - PR Marketing Manager/ Flickr & Shutterfly
Catholics know the Blessed Virgin Mary intercedes for us in our prayers and petitions to the Lord.  I envision Mary being the Public Relations/Marketing Manager for Jesus' missionary works.  She'd keep a Flickr, Shutterfly and a website up-to-date.  She'd help advertise Christ and his message.

St. Paul - Twitter/ Facebook /iPhone
St. Paul would keep Christians always informed with "tweets" of his journeys. Also, he'd send out invites to preaching events to Facebook "Fans."  He'd have his iPhone available to post a message on the spot!

St. Peter - Google's Blogger
I imagine St. Peter writing a daily blog using Blogger.com.  He'd provide meditations and helpful advise to Christians.  Posts would be opened to "monitored" comments. (No flaming aloud!)

Judas the Iscariot - A Web Forum/Spam & Phishing Email
I see Judas the Iscariot hosting a special "Jesus Hater" web forum where atheists and anti-religion "experts" can post their complaints about Jesus Christ.  Also, he'd organize  thousands of illegal spam messages and phishing emails to promote his hate.  I can see email subject headings like: "F**kJesus"  "Do you believe in Satan?" "See Me Rising from the Dead XXX"  All kinds of trash!

St. Jerome - Amazon Kindle/Barnes & Noble Nook 
St. Jerome, best known for his latin translation of the bible The Vulgate, would be responsible for uploading the bible to Amazon Kindle and Barnes & Noble e-readers.  He'd "convert" biblical references to"digital format" for easy reading.  No more candles and parchment paper necessary.

St. Luke - iPhone & iPad apps
St. Luke authored "The Acts of the Apostles" and was known to be a physician.  I imagine him creating two important web apps.  One would be a special traveler's app for the "Acts of the Apostles" to use on their journeys.  A second app would be titled "Christ MD" and would feature home remedies for a variety of maladies.

St. Anthony - GPS Technology
Pray to St. Anthony to help find a lost item.  St. Anthony would utilize GPS technology to locate a missing item within minutes.  Just send St. Anthony a text message, tweet, Facebook post, or an email. He'll be out at work to help find a missing possession.

St. Joseph - Internet Website
Bury a statue of St. Joseph in the backyard and through his intercession he will help sell a home.  I imagine St. Joseph hosting a special realtor website St. Joseph's List.  Here potential sellers can post information about their home.  St. Joseph can assist in the sell without a commission fee.  The only catch is many prayer and petitions.  Not a problem for the devout Catholic.

I can go on and on with other examples.  This really gets my creative juices flowing.  Fun to think what Jesus, Mary & the Saints would think about all of our electronic gadgets!

-J.

Vine & Branches

Jesus said to his disciples:  I am the true vine, and my Father is the vine grower.  He takes away every branch in me that does not bear fruit, and every one that does he prunes so that it bears more fruit.  You are already pruned because of the word that I spoke to you.  Remain in me, as I remain in you.......I am the vine, you are the branches.  Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me you can do nothing."  -John 15:  1-8

This weekend I began my Spring/Summer transformation of the flower beds around my house.  I planted Pentas, Vincas, and a variety of herbs in the sunny areas contrasted by Impatiens, Coleus, and Hosta in the shady areas.  I love digging in the dirt!  I love the beauty of the flowers and the smells of the herbs.  I love arranging my new plantings in attractive ways.  Of course, along with planting the beautiful flowers comes the pruning of my over-grown Crape Myrtles and an ugly mystery tree that rooted right along the fence line.  Its gigantic leaves overhang the neighbor's house.  I love planting pretty flowers but pruning the trees is a major pain.

I think of the times in my life when things are going great.  I'm like the freshly planted flower who's rooted in rich soil with ample soil, water, and temperature.  I'm a Spring "annual" who's blooming profusely for 3-4 months.  I'm rooted in the soil (my life) with all of the right conditions for growth (job going well, staying healthy, a little extra cash in the bank.).  I'm happy as a camper thinking to myself, "Thanks God for all of your help!  Things are going great!  I don't really need you right now..."  Then all of the sudden I come across frustrations, irritations, boredom, temptations.  I'm like the once fresh flower that's now beginning to wilt.  I'm at the end of my life span as an "annual."  The weather is getting too hot and dry.  The water is drying up.  I feel like I'm drying up spiritually!  This is when I need God.  Why on earth didn't I desire him when all things were going well?  Why now do I beg for his mercy when things aren't so peachy?  Why can't I learn to remain in Him at all times during the good and the bad?

Then I think of the times when I'm like a pruned branch of a tree.  I became overgrown and langly with sins.  Through the Sacrament of Penance, the Lord prunes away the deadness and re-shapes me into a beautiful woman with his love and forgiveness.  I'm now much closer to the Lord = the trunk of the tree!  I can begin to bear holier fruit, blossom, and seek more nutrients from the Lord.

 I should not remain isolated from the Lord.  I should seek his guidance at all times through thick and thin.  Be willing to be pruned to stay connect to God and less connected to my own desires.

-J.

1st Holy Communion

"Love of creatures is deceiving and constantly changing, but the love of Jesus is true and permanent....if you hold on to Jesus, you will remain firmly planted forever."  -From The Imitation of Christ

These powerful words from Thomas AKempis went through my mind as my fourteen Faith Formation students lined up in the hallway of the main church.  The girls wore their beautiful white gowns and veils.  (Some of the girls did not meet the "shoulders must be covered" rule, but they looked so pretty and innocent nobody mentioned a word.)  The boys dressed up in suits and ties.  One of the more precocious girls remarked, "Miss Jennifer, I feel like a minature bride!"  Even Father joked about how the the young children looked like they were about to wed.  In many ways, they were getting "married" to Christ by receiving their first communion. Hopefully these precious children will grow to love -- understand the truth and permanency of Jesus Christ!  They will hold on to his Sacred Heart, drink his precious blood, consume his body on a regular basis.  They will become one with Christ and for Christ. I can say this with reservation because I know this may have been the only day in their lives the children will attend Mass or receive communion.  I pray my young ones will continue ongoing religious education and see the importance of Catholic Christianity in their lives.

I admit I'm relieved my class finished for the year.  I never imagined teaching 3rd and 4th graders could be more challenging than college or the workforce.  Many times throughout these past 9 months I've wanted to quit and dump my demanding class on some other poor innocent volunteer.  I was absolutely shocked as a first time catechist to be given such a large class with so many challenging personalities:  the gifted and talented smart, the ADHD, the Down Syndrome/autistic, the bully, the clown, the "mom made me come I don't want to be here" child.  I struggled with discipline and attention each and every class.  Honestly, I don't know how professional teachers do it.  I can see why Faith Formation has a tough time finding volunteers to teach.

Despite all of the headaches and frustrations, I felt a sense of accomplishment when I witnessed the class receive their first holy communion.  Just seeing the children and parents smile made me feel wonderful.  Several people approachment me after Mass to congratulate me for a job well done.  A couple even said they thought I did "great" considering what a large difficult class I dealt with.  I really appreciated the kind remarks.  However, I didn't become a volunteer catechist for any kudos or recognition.  I did it for the children:  I wanted to help them discover the joy of receiving their 1st communion like I did at the Easter Vigil 14 years ago!  (14 kids - 14 years as a Catholic.  Interesting correlation...Never thought about that until now!) 

I pray the children will keep a hold on Jesus and firmly plant Him in their hearts!

-J.

Interior Silence

Can anyone imagine a world in complete silence?  Can anyone imagine mastering the ability to internally block out all of the noise in the world that's so distracting and irritating?  God gave us ears to listen.  Yes, he also gave us a mouth to speak.  But, how often are the words we say (or think) meaningless and totally against God's holy word?  I get tired of all the NOISE of society around me:  radios, stereos, television sets, babies crying, cars honking, cell phone chatting, cell phones ringing, hammering of roofs - noise,noise, noise!! It's hard to THINK with so many noisy distractions.  It's definitely hard to become more intimate with the Lord with so much noise pollution. 

The exterior noise is often what we think of when we talk about "noise pollution."  But, oftentimes our own "interior noise" through obsessive, negative thoughts can be even more polluting.  I'm a thinker and observer.  I'm one of those types of personalities who over-thinks to the point that I will commit a grave sin.  How many times have I thought lustful thoughts about a man who I can never be with?  How many times have I told myself that I'm worthless, no good, ugly, and boring when nothing warrants such thoughts?  How many times have I been angry, resentful, and downright selfish toward others?  Way too many times to keep track of! The Devil has a clever way of keeping our minds undisciplined and LOUD. 

I understand now the need for interior silence where all of my thoughts are focused on God .  This way I strive to imitate HIM in all facets of my life.  It takes practice and patience to quiet my mind.  Who knows all God is trying to tell me, but I'm so "in tune" with my own selfish thoughts that I cannot hear his message.  It's time to tell my mind to "Be quiet and listen to what God has to say!"

-J. 

The Pentential Rains

We experienced a violent, drenching rainstorm last night.  The thunder and lightening was intense.  My little dachshund sat on the bed, staring at the bedroom window with her ears perked up.  She whined and woofed looking at me with her big brown eyes.  In my imagination she was thinking:  "Mommie!  What is all of that noise & light?  I'm so scared!  Is God sending down fire bolts to burn down our house?  All I want to do is snuggle under the bed and be close to my mommie!  I don't want to hear this awful noise!"  The thunder and lightning passed even though the heavy raindrops still pounded on the roof. My little pooch was scared, but I prayed, thanking the Lord for the glorious RAIN that we desperately need.  Texas is in the midst of a severe drought.  The rain lately has been such a blessing.  Spring is alive and in full swing.  The only bad thing about all of the moisture is the amount of weeds infesting my lawn.. 

Rain cleans out the air, it makes the beautiful flowers bloom, it fill ups our lakes, and it provides drinking water.  Yes, it's terrible to drive through and creates damage in torrential flood conditions.  Yet, God gave us rain to help sustain life!  When I suffered through the hottest summer on record (with no rain) I felt parched, dried up, uncomfortable, lifeless.  I desperately wanted to see at least one rain cloud build up in the blue sky.  Nothing!

I find it intriguing how all the rain we've experienced has coincided so closely with the Season of Lent.  I equate the rain as tears from heaven!  I see the Lord crying out:  "Please, Come back to me!  I have so much grace to pour out to you!  Will you tell me your deepest secrets?  I'm here to forgive you for all of the things you've done to offend me!"  Those rain drops touch my hair and my skin.  The coldness and wetness reminds me of what I've done to offend God.  His tears are telling me to change my sinful ways.  That bolt of lightening and thunder of a rainstorm is signaling to me to stop what I'm doing wrong and seek Christ's forgiveness.  Lent is a time of fasting, almsgiving, and penance.  The rain signifies God's love for creation and sustaining life. However, it can resemble God's sadness at his precious humans for being so selfish, so cruel, so unloving, and so departed from his laws.  God's tears of sadness can turn into tears of joy when I follow Christ's ways and not my own selfish ways. What can I do to make amends?  What can I do to harvest the precious rain water for the good of my soul?

-J.

Jesus Loves Me

Jesus loves me! This I know,
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong;
they are weak but He is strong.

Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

Wow, I was moved to tears when I heard a beautiful rendition of "Jesus Loves Me" during Holy Communion at Saturday evening Mass. I've never heard this song in a Catholic church before! I've never heard a jazzy, soulful, gospel version either! I frequent a sister parish on Saturday nights because the music is so wonderful. (I'm not impressed with the music at my regular parish. I opt to attend the early morning Sunday service with no music....) This month the cantor sang what I would call more protestant hymns. Growing up in the Baptist and Methodist churches, I always get excited when I recognize an old "protestant" hymn at Mass. The only thing I truly miss in the Protestant church is the music! The Catholic Church still lacks in excellent liturgical music. Some parishes are better than others. I stay away from liturgies with the folky guitar musical accompaniments. This is what I call non-spiritually lifting but more of a time warp back to the 1960s.....

When listening to "Jesue Loves Me," emotions of the past overwhelmed me. I remember singing this children's hymn when I attended Baptist daycare in 4-6th grades. We always sang it during Wednesday afternoon chapel. I absolutely hated day care! I loathed chapel the worst. The singing wasn't too bad, but when I had to listen to Brother Danny "preach" I wanted to hurl. We always had to memorize bible verses. I never understood the point of memorization if we weren't given an explanation as to the verse's meaning in our lives. I'd sit through the hour of chapel not at all feeling Jesus present. All the talk about "Are you saved?" made no sense! I just didn't get it. (Something was missing. It would take me many years later to figure out the Catholic Church filled in the missing pieces!) All of my early childhood experiences with bullying, hate, jealousy, hypocrisy, lack of self esteem, and feelings of worthlessness came about from this so called Baptist "Christian" day care center!!! I never felt beautiful! I was a non-athletic clutz that all the other kids proudly reminded me of. Those tears I shed during last night's Mass were not only tears of joy knowing Jesus truly loves me through his gift of the Eucharist, but they were tears of deep pain at the trauma I experienced in day care.

After over twenty years, I'm still shocked at the damage those years of the "Jesus Loves Me" Baptist Day Care did to me as a child. Unfortunately, I was exposed to ugly people at such an early age, Christian hypocrites who spoke of one thing but did the complete opposite. I know there are some wonderful,truly genuine Protestants out there who are faithful to Christ's true teachings. My family members are excellent examples of living like Christ. It's just a shame I wasn't exposed to the Catholic Church earlier in my life. I don't know if I'd be able to appreciate its authenticity as much if I was a cradle Catholic. So interesting how the Holy Spirit works in my life: Exposing me to the ugly, but then showering me with good. I try not to live in the past. I need to live in the present. Jesus loves me for the bible tells me so!

-J.

The Old School Confessional

Feeling depressed and out of sorts lately, I thought it would be a good idea to go to confession. It's been a couple of months since my last personal reconciliation. For the most part, I've remained "good" with the exception of frustration on the roads! I've allowed my patience to wear thin and used the car horn a little too frequently. I'm driving too aggressively. To put it bluntly: I simply hate driving! I hate paying for gasoline and tolls. If I could afford a personal driver or a helicopter, I'd hire them in an instant. Forget my adolescent days when I used to love driving to the grocery store to pick up anything, even if it was for a box of sanitary napkins! Driving is a stressful necessity. The sprawling Dallas area makes public trans pretty much a no go unless one is fortunate enough to work Downtown. Unfortunately, I've allowed idiot drivers and transportation woes to make me irritable and cranky.

My regular Confessor is now at a new parish. This past Saturday I travelled quite a way to attend his church's reconciliation schedule. (More driving!!!) I was shocked the church still has the old school confessionals from the 1950s with the red light green lights! I'm used to the modern reconciliation rooms where I can sit face to face with the priest. I find this so much more comfortable than the cramped little confessional box with the screen. Being a Catholic convert and not at all aware of how the old school confessional box thing works, I spoke to a kind man in line who told me what to do. Two priests were available: my Confessor and then the visiting priest. I nervously prayed with my rosary in hand, "Dear Lord, please make sure Father's door opens so I get a chance to talk to him and not the visiting priest!" To this day, reconciliation is the most difficult thing for me to do as a devout Catholic. However, I'm much less nervous and queasy in the tummy when I can go to my regular priest. The line was long and moving very slowly. I noticed two people walked into separate doors on either side of the priest. I was told one person would be in confession while the other person was waiting for the booth screen to open up. (Wow, this takes me back to watching all of those movies with the old confessionals, and I was about to go into one for real life!)

To my relief, Father's confessional door opened up when it was my time to go in. (Divine providence at work!) I walked into the very small room and latched the lock. In a strange way, I felt like I was entering a port o potty when I engaged the lock. The confessional was brown, cold, and very narrow. I wonder how any heavy set person could comfortably fit in this room! I kneeled in front of the closed screen with a crucifix overhanging and the Act of Contrition taped on the kneeler railing. I could hear softly yet clearly the priest speaking with the other penitent! Thank goodness he was only giving her a penance. I would have died if I could hear her entire confession from start to finish. Obviously, no sound barrier in the walls within these rooms. No surprise considering the age. How strange it felt to tell Father who I was when the little screen opened. Most folks don't do this in the old school confessional thing, but I wanted that personal touch I was used to with my priest face to face. I kept the confession brief and concise. Good thing because I didn't like the idea of the person on the other side of the thin walls hearing all of my sins. Despite the uncomfortable arrangement of the confessional, I still felt so much relief after I received absolution. I would have liked to see my Confessor's warm smile but I'm sure he was smiling in his heart as much as I was in mine! I think it's rare these days to find a good Confessor who takes the time to provide real guidance instead of the standard Our Father and Hail Mary penance. I pray in thanksgiving that my Confessor is still within reasonable driving distance. I may not like driving but with God's grace and my own thoughtfulness toward others I can remain calm on the hectic roadways.

-J.