to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
The Serenity Prayer is something I keep in mind when life gets really rough. I've experienced some of the most stressful and life growing challenges in the last two years! I don't know what is going to happen next. Seems like nature is taking its toll on my life and life circumstances. I don't feel what has happened to me is coincidental or bad luck. I think Our Lord has brought about difficulties in order to allow me develop the maturity to deal with crisis. It's still difficult for me to not become anxious and worried when life poop is thrown in my face.....
Ever since I moved into my home two years ago, I've had to replace my entire HVAC system, replace electrically burned light fixtures, replace broken garage door springs, and cut down a diseased tree! This morning I woke up to discover a huge broken Bradford pear limb lying on my lawn. The rainstorm from last night split a quarter of it. The tree is old (18 yrs old) and is being treated for Fire Blight. Now it looks like it may split again, tumbling onto the paved street and possibly causing damage to a car driving by. Now I'm at a loss: Do I cable and prune the tree or cut it down for safety purposes? I was floored having to pay $350 for emergency tree service. (Fortunately this fee was negotiated.) I'm sad to think of cutting down this beautiful tree that supplies so much shade. The kicker is cutting it down requires more money I don't have. Credit card debt looms as I struggle to pay off the unexpected A/C work on the Honda as well as cutting down the backyard tree. I keep praying to God asking, "Dear Lord, can you please help me out here and allow me to pay off debt before anything else major goes out? I can't stand it! Why me? Why all the stuff happening continuously? "
The stress of home ownership is wearing me down. I love my cute little home but maintaining it doesn't come cheap. I sometimes think buying a home was the biggest mistake of my life. Of course, a second income would help tremendously. Not something to happen anytime soon.
When life is challenging like this, it's difficult for me to turn to God in prayer. I know my issues are hardly nothing compared to the circumstances of others. So in a way I believe I'm selfish. I need to be content with where my life stands right now. Try to manage my money as wisely as possibly. I'm quite impatient and want things fixed right away.
Even though I cannot change when something happens like a storm damaging a tree, I can change the way I react to the situation. I admit I have the tendency to project my frustration on others, especially those who love me. This is a terrible character flaw. This is something I should be wise enough to recognize and change. God gave me an intellect. He gave me intelligence to realize that when nature takes its toll I can change the way I relate to the burdens even though I cannot change what happens unexpectantly.
-J.
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