Will I Make It To Heaven?

Thursday of the First Week of Advent

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Gospel of Matthew 7:21, 24-27

Jesus said to his disciples:  “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the Kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven."

This has been a rough week.  My nerves are on edge.  I've been cursing way too much; complaining way too much; hating my life way too much.  Here it's the beginning of Advent, and I'm  grumpy like Scrooge!  My sleep once again is filled with nightmares.  This past weekend I dreamed of desperately trying to get my position  back at my old job.   Then, last night I dreamed my current boss wrote me up for doing something I didn't do.  Both nightmares resulted in profuse sweating and heart palpitations.  I used to never experience such horrific nocturnal unrest!  Even when I pray before bed I will still wake up in the middle of the night startled from a dream.

I wish my dreams were prophetic in nature instead of a rehashing of things I want but cannot have or running away from something I despise.  I've never once dreamed of Jesus, Mary or one of the Saints.  Now, that's the kind of dream I welcome: a dream that is peaceful and calming!

I often ask myself, "Will I make it to heaven?"  Like everyone else on the planet, I struggle with habitual sins which keep me in a state of irritation and frustration.  I want to let go of anger, resentment and jealousy. However, these vices seem attached like parasites.  I want to be a holier woman, but then I curse like a sailor when I'm upset with a situation.  I wish I could "straighten up" my attitude NOW so that if I do make it up the stairway to heaven I don't have to spend a long time in purgatory.  Purge all of the wretchedness and filth of sin while I'm living!

Are you going to heaven?  Do you need to change some situations in your own life so you're on the right path?  Unfortunately, most of us haul around a bunch off useless baggage that only weighs us down and prevents us from skipping along the path to holiness.  We allow life's stressors to put us in funky moods where we don't feel much like being a good a Christian.  (Oh how much easier it is to be flippant and rude at times...)

Make it an Advent regimen to get over the foulness and convert it to spiritual happiness.  Easier said than done!  Trust me, this is a challenge for my own pessimistic disposition.  However, it's necessary for my spiritual growth.  It's necessary for your spiritual development, too!

Saint John Damascene, Pray for Us!

-J.