Disappointments and God's Will

A few weeks ago, a friend and I registered for a holiday trip to the Holy Land. I've been so excited about it for weeks, telling all of my family and friends about my upcoming travel adventure! Today, I was shocked when I received my voided deposit check returned along with a letter stating all available seats were filled. (My friend got a spot which made me feel even worse!) Then, I received a phone call from a member of the Serra Club. My application for this weekend's vocation awareness retreat was rejected. Why? Because Im older than the demographic of the young women who normally attend such a retreat. I have too much life experience. At 37, I know more about vocations than the typical college student. As a consolation prize, I will be sent information pertaining to religious groups that accept older women. What is going on here? All evening I've felt so sad, rejected, and confused. I became physically ill, vomiting the little food and water I ingested earlier in the day. 

Questions going on in my head: Why am I being rejected from special events I would find spiritually fulfilling? Why is God doing this to ME? What did I do wrong to deserve this disappointment? What is wrong with me? Negative thoughts are not healthy, a bad habit I fight every single day when life's woo woos hit. I know there is a reason that I'm not going on the pilgrimage or the retreat: God has other plans for me. I can wallow in self pity and cry like a toddler because I didn't get what I want. Or, I can act like an adult and think logically. God has control of my destiny. It's God's will that dictates when, what, and how things happen in my life. Disappointments, reject, failures, and loses happen for a divine reason.

Today's gospel reading is very relevant to what I'm experiencing. Life is not easy! Life does not always work out the way one wishes.  How narrow the gate and restricted the road that leads to life.(Matthew 7:13-14). I cannot allow disappointments to bring me down. I must continue to strive for holiness and joy. Ask God to grant me what he thinks is best for my soul!